Life: The Bittersweet
by Anjel of Hell and Earth
Summary: A story of Beastboy and Raven's life. Their struggles and love told from Beastboy's POV. Better then it sounds.


**Disclaimer: I don't own.**

**Life: The Bittersweet**

She sat across from me at the dinner table. Every night. Cyborg sat to her left. Star sat to the right of me. Robin was at the head of the table. But I had the best seat in the house.

Raven was never one for big meals. There were those rare times when she filled her plate. It was adorable to watch her lick the excess spaghetti sauce from her lips. The way her pink tongue darted out, swiped them clean and disappeared in the same moment.

Oh, and when we have burgers from the grill (tofu for me) and Cy makes his special sweet potato fries. Rae always nibbles on them when she thinks people are watching, but here's a little secret, that refined aura that always seems to encase her disappears just for a moment. For those few seconds when she's just munchin' on fries and bein' a teen is when I love her the most.

Oh god she's amazing. See if you aren't used to her, you'd look at her and think she's some attention deprived demon or something. But dude, she's the sweetest girl when she wants to be. And believe it or not, she always wants to be.

Like this one time shortly after Terra came back. Sorta came back.

I was sitting out at my rock. The ocean wind blew salt-thick air across my face. The waves lapped a rock just a few feet from the one I sat on. Tangerine orange and blistering red started fading into deep rich violet. There were a few clouds that sucked up the colors of the sky like puffy sponges.

Thoughts of a pretty little blonde girl drifted through my head. At this point, I can't even recall what I'd been thinking specifically. What ever it was, it wouldn't leave my mind at rest.

"Beastboy," she called softly.

"Yeah," I answered without tearing my eyes from the beauty of the scenery. A second later, she was sitting next to me. Stick straight back and perfect posture. I gave a small smile. "Dude, that's not how you sit on a rock," I informed her in a softer voice then my norm.

Rae gave a single sarcastic laugh. "Then please, oh great sloucher, explain to me proper rock sitting etiquette."

"I'm not slouching. I'm relaxing." I glanced over at her.

"What if I'm relaxed how I am now?" she countered.

I rolled my eyes and my smile widened. "Oh come on, you know that's uncomfortable. You gotta go like this." I stretched my arms up above my head then fell back so I was leaning on them. My back curved to the shape of my position.

Raven hesitated but slowly reached up then fell back just like me. Her palms pressed to the stone. One hand jumped up almost immediately and I noticed a small pebble where the palm once sat. She brushed it away and replaced the hand.

"There," I said, satisfied. "Isn't that better?"

She sighed but I could see the shadow of a smile on her lips. "I guess so."

I chuckled and hung my head on my shoulders. "You're unbelievable."

"Me?" she asked incredulously. "You're the one who can give classes on slouching." For the first time, I saw a sparkle in her eyes. Violet orbs twinkling in the waning daylight.

"Relaxing. Jeez, no wonder you're always so tense." I rolled my eyes playfully.

"Hey," she said indignantly, her normally monotonous voice laced with playfulness. "I'll have you know I am rarely ever tense."

"What ever you say, Rae, what ever you say." I smiled as she let the nickname slid. She smirked and shoved my shoulder lightly. I shoved her just as lightly back.

The moment Raven came to check on me, I completely forgot why I'd been out there to begin with. And she never asked me about it. Never wanted to know why I'd retreated to the tranquility of the ocean. Never asked why I was alone. Just sat down and kept me distracted. I was forever grateful. But I think she always knew.

Heh, the girl is full of surprises as well. Did you know she goes to church? Yeah, that's what I said! I was like, 'Whoa, dude, wow.' It was one Sunday morning when I woke up at seven o'clock and couldn't get back to sleep. Don't you hate it when that happens?

So anyway, I was sitting in the common room flipping through channels, thoroughly bored. The doors swished open and I looked over to see who it was 'cause, you know, no one is up at seven a.m. on a Sunday. 'Cept me. And she walked right in.

"Raven?" I asked, kind of shocked. "What's got you out of bed on this fine Sunday morning?"

She looked over at me briefly before continuing into the kitchen. "I could ask you the same. I'm going to church." She said it like it was nothing. Like it was obvious.

"Um…you go to church?" I said dumbly. She was preparing tea at the stove.

"That's what I said."

"Oh…" I paused then looked back at the t.v. trying to form the right words in my head. "Um…Rae?"

She sighed. "Yes?"

I turned back around and saw her leaning against the counter waiting for the water to boil. "Well, it's just that…well, I've never…uh…" I stuttered. "I was just wondering-,"

"Beastboy," she cut me off, saving me from myself. "Would you like to come with me?"

I smiled. "Of course, Rae. I'll be down in a minute." Man, I was so excited. I'd never actually been to church before. I mean, yeah, I knew what went on there and stuff; confession, sermons, eating bread, the whole shebang. But I never experienced it. So, just as I'd promised, a little while later I walked in the common room squeaky clean with my best clothes.

"Beastboy, the sermon doesn't start for another half an hour and we can get there in less then a minute," she pointed out looking at the clock before downing the last of her morning tea. Then she headed to the door. But she paused. Changed her mind and kept going. And paused again. This time she turned to me and said, "You do look very nice though. Didn't know you owned a suit."

I beamed my best Sunday smile at her. "I got it for special occasions; weddings, funerals, banquets, church, if I ever plucked up the courage to go." She nodded once and made her way out into the hall.

I was a mess of nerves right up until we stood outside the simple conservative building. There was a cross hanging by the door. It was white and contrasted perfectly with the brick wall. I nervously looked from side to side as Raven led me in. Older people in their Sunday clothes filed in beside us. There were some younger adults and kids. The kids looked just as uncomfortable as I felt. Suits suck.

Raven, wearing a simple blue skirt and lighter blue blouse, took a seat pretty close to the back. I wondered briefly if we would be able to see and mentioned this to Rae.

"Believe me, you won't need to see the pastor for this," she said softly with her eyes fixed toward the front of the church. I looked to see what she was so focused on. I saw nothing but a big wooden cross and peoples heads. I almost turned to ask her what she was looking at but a deep, yet soft, voice echoed all the way to the back.

"Friends, sisters, mothers, brothers, fathers, children; welcome to our home. Let's start with a prayer." I couldn't see much of the pastor. Just the top of his balding head. People all around me were bowing their heads. I had this mental image of people getting down on their knees, holding their hands high above their heads. But I did just as everyone was doing. "Dear Lord, I pray you have helped all of us through the struggles of the week. Please, keep our faith strong and undying. To our guests, I hope you keep them safe even away from this congregation and I hope you've given them a family in your name of their own. In your name, we pray. Amen."

There was a chorus of, "Amen." then everyone fell silent. I looked over at Raven, to see what she was doing, and saw her eyes still fixed forward.

"Psst," I whispered and leaned over. "Hey Rae, about how long does this last?"

Her eyes flicked over to me for a moment. "About an hour, Beastboy."

I nodded and leaned away.

"We ask you to make a small donation." My stomach fell. "Please, place it in the copper offering trays being passed around."

I didn't have any money. Oh god, I was such an idiot. How did I not remember? Not that I had any money at all. "Raven," I said desperately. "I don't have-,"

"It's okay," she said softly. "You don't have to give anything."

I nodded but still felt weird. You know, like I didn't belong or something. I shoved my hand in my pocket in a last desperate surge of hope but pulled out a nickel. One lousy nickel.

The pastor came down the aisle and I got my first good look at him. He was wearing black robes with this weird scarf type thing over his shoulders. His face was aged but kind. In his clouding blue eyes, I saw genuine care.

"Would you like to make donation?" he asked. Raven reached across me and dropped a dollar in. He smiled warmly at her.

I gulped. "Uh…I've only got this." I held up the nickel before dropping it in. "Sorry." I cast my eyes down to my lap. How moronic could I be? Raven was probably over there mocking me or holding back a fit of laughter.

"Dear boy," his said and I felt the weight of his hand on my shoulder. "What do you have to be sorry for?"

I looked up and shrugged pathetically. "Well, I mean, I didn't give anything really of worth. It was a lousy five cents. It was all I had."

"It does not matter the value of the coin but rather the worth of the man. And you have given more then most people in here.

'_Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny. _

_Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on_'" With that, the old man smiled at me and continued on.

"Mark 12:41-44," someone whispered startling me. I looked over and Raven was smiling softly at me. "That's the verse he just quoted."

"What…what did it mean?" I kind of felt stupid for asking such a question. But hey, when have I ever been a smart dude?

"The rich people had a lot of money to give because they had a lot of money in general. But the old woman had nothing. She gave everything she could to the church. Her offering was more heartfelt so-to-speak."

My chest clenched. A smile found my lips and I breathed out a small laugh. It felt…enriching to know my nickel was appreciated.

I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't see Rae looking at me so I jumped when I felt her hand on my cheek. She turned my head toward her and gave me the softest look I'd ever seen. Then she leaned in and gently kissed me. "It was a very nice gesture, Beastboy. I'm proud of you." The corner of her mouth lifted before she turned back to the sermon which started up again.

A wide grin cracked across my face. I could feel my green skin warming up and I probably looked like a messed up Christmas tree but I didn't care. The prettiest girl in the world just gave me a kiss. My first kiss nonetheless!

I looked over at Rae again. She was still in the same position she'd been in since we got there, but her lips were more relaxed, almost like she was smiling, and I could have sworn I saw her blush.

A little while passed and I was still thinking about the kiss. Talk about obsessive. But I mean, dude! Raven kissed me. Raven _kissed_ me. _Raven_ kissed _me_. Raven Roth. Kissed me. Beastboy. Garfield Logan. Too much to actually believe.

"Hey Rae," I whispered about forty-five minutes in. "Raven."

"What?" she asked tearing her eyes from the front and looking at me, almost annoyed.

"You know, that was my first kiss." Hey, she had the right to know.

She smiled and said softly, "Mine too." Then she turned back.

My heart rose. "Really?"

Her eyes glided over to me for a second then, again, fixed themselves on the front. An, almost, sly grin met her lips. "Maybe."

Okay, so church was kinda boring. But it felt good to go. As filed back out, I saw the pastor shaking hands by the door. We shuffled closer and closer till we were right there. He took Raven's hand gently in his callused ones swallowing it completely.

"I'm so glad you could take the time to attend, Raven. After you missed the passed to Sundays, I was getting worried."

"Sorry Pastor Bob, we had some skirmishes downtown. Nothing big, but kept us busy." Raven's voice was so warm and gentle. I felt a slight pang in my stomach, suddenly wishing she would talk to me like that.

"Well, it's good to have you back." He let her go and turned to me. "Ah, you must be Garfield." He held out his hand. I hesitantly took it. Wouldn't you feel hesitant if some random old guy knew your name? Okay, he's not a random old guy. But still!

"Uh…yeah." His grip was firm but gentle. That was the first time anyone ever gave me a real handshake. Like I was a man or something. Not some pimply teenager.

"I've heard a lot about you," he said flicking his eyes over to Raven, who was talking to some older churchgoers. She won't socialize with kids her own age but she will talk to old people? Who knew? Before he let my hand go he pulled me forward and said in a low soft voice, "She's a great girl. Don't ever let her forget it." And then moved on the thirty-something couple behind me.

What was that about? I didn't have time to really think about it. Raven took me by the arm and dragged me out the door.

What a girl. I think that's when my crush on her started. At first, it was simple stuff. Lingering eyes. Thoughts. Heart quickening. But I soon found myself caught up in something much deeper.

It was Halloween about, oh maybe, four months after that Sunday. The Titans were having a party. That included the Titans East. We all had to wear a costume. It's a Halloween party. What else are we gonna wear? Anyway, so Raven was freaking out about it. Well, Raven doesn't freak. But you know what I mean.

I had the perfect costume. I had a black cape and this weird 1700's themed pants and shirt. I attached plastic fangs to my fangs and lightened my skin with grease paint. Given, I wasn't pale. Just pale-er. I thought I looked pretty snazzy. Yes, I did just say snazzy.

Robin was in some box trying to be cereal. Wow, how scary. I gotta give him originality points though. Starfire was wearing, like, a pink to-to and ballerina outfit…on steroids. There's just no way to describe it except huge and puffy. Cy was in a classic Frankenstein thing.

I don't remember what Bee was wearing. Or any of the Titan's East except Auqalad. He was in a devil costume. There was a long forked tail coming from his butt and horns on top his head. He carried a pitchfork with him as well.

And then there was Raven. Oh god, the demoness herself. She wore a white dress with a split from her ankle all the way up just above her knee. It had long sleeves and white feathery wings protruding from her back. Floating, yes, floating, above her head was a gold halo. The entire thing made her eyes and hair stand out. My jaw dropped when I saw her.

Everyone was making comments about how lovely she looked. How pretty she looked. How nice her outfit was. All far too superficial. Can you tell I've been reading a dictionary? Anyway, she finally made her way over to me.

My jaw was still skimming the carpet. I gaped for a moment too long and she looked up at me expectantly.

"Beastboy?"

I snapped out of it and closed my mouth but my eyes were still wide. "Wow, Rae, you look…" I searched desperately for the right word and hadn't even noticed when the perfect one slipped passed my lips. "…angelic."

She smiled and laughed. "Nice to know."

I couldn't tear my eyes from her and felt myself blush at the sound of her laugh. Before I could reply someone cut me off.

"My, my. The irony." It was Aqualad. That jerk. "The demon parading as an angel. A very pretty angel, I might add." I guess he tried to smile charmingly.

"What?" came Raven's surprised response. Her brow creased for a moment in hurt. She opened her mouth again to speak but I beat her to it.

"What the hell is your problem?" I exploded at the fish-talker. His eyes widened in surprise.

"I was complimenting-,"

I turned to him fully squaring my shoulders with him. I didn't even have the patients to notice how much bigger I'd gotten compared to him. "Complimenting my ass! Do you freaking know how she feels about something like that?"

"Well, I didn't-," he started.

"Didn't think!" I finished for him and shoved his shoulders.

That got him mad. He shoved me back. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Testosterone caused many wars before and will continue to do so till the end of time. Punches flew and insults were yelled. The end result was Raven separating us with her powers. I had a black eye, bloody knuckles and a bruised jaw. But you shoulda seen the other guy.

The Titans East went home early. Robin came up to me ready to bite my head off. Well, who could blame him? I did sorta ruin the party. But Raven stopped him and said she would deal with me. And just like that my fear was multiplied ten-fold.

She used her magic to pull me into the hall and told the others not to disturb us. My stomach was doing flips like nothing else. The moment the doors slid shut she looked up at me.

"Look, Raven-."

"Thank you," she said softly. I almost didn't hear her.

"Wh-what?" I furrowed my brows in confusion. Did she really just thank me? For beating some guy up?

"I said thank you." Her voice got stronger. "Your methodology could have been better, but I'm glad you made him back off about the demon thing."

"Anytime, Rae," I replied, still shocked at the fact that I wasn't being catapulted into another dimension.

She looked down at the floor for a moment before looking back up at me. "Well…um…thanks again." She leaned up and kissed my cheek.

I froze. Quickly, she pulled back and started down the hall to her room. A second later, I shook my head and made the most impulsive move of my life. Before she could get too far away, I grabbed her by her forearm and spun her back toward me.

"Wh-," she started in surprise but I cut her off. I pressed my lips to hers and closed my eyes. Somewhere in the back of my head I was screaming, 'Dude! Dead man walking! Back out while you still can!' but I paid it no mind and just relished in the feeling of her soft skin to mine.

One heart pounding second later, I pulled back and saw her staring wide-eyed at me. Her throat squirmed like she gulped and I let her arm go. The full weight of what I'd done was catching up to me. So that other dimension didn't seem that far off. Maybe I should've packed. Would they have Wicked Scary in another dimension? Should I take clean underwear? I wonder if tofu-

My thoughts were disrupted and faded into a hum as I found my lips against hers again. For a second, I thought I'd kissed her this time too. But her arms were up around my neck and her head was tilted slightly. I could tell she was standing on her tip-toes to reach me so I did her the favor of leaning down. I wanted her to feel safe so I wrapped my arms around her waist. I needed to believe this was real so I closed my eyes and, for the first time in my life, prayed.

Oh lord, please, if you're listening, let this be real. If there is a god in heaven, I need this to be real.

And it was. Heh. It was a miracle. We…I…she…words cannot describe how I felt. Raven, the one and only, felt something for me! The grass stain. The joker! Only by god's grace.

It was a shy relationship. There were stolen glances. The occasional kiss. Sometimes when the whole team was watching a movie, I'd reach over and take her hand. The first time I did it, I was so scared I couldn't even look to see her reaction. But she surprised me by lacing our fingers together.

I looked up at her and saw the soft smile she had. I blushed and gave her a small smile in return. Then I looked down at my lap so she wouldn't see my smile grow. But I couldn't seem to bite it back. Frankly, I didn't want to.

The first few months were like walking on eggshells. I guess both of us were scared of ruining what we had. God, I'll tell ya, that was my greatest fear. Loosing her. I couldn't stand the thought. I even had a nightmare about it once. But I don't want to go into that.

But at the same time, we were restraining ourselves from going farther. We were teenagers after all. She told me once, when we had just finished a particularly heated make-out session, that she never truly believed she would ever be in a relationship, let alone be faced with…sexual urges of that kind. And she was scared.

I told her not to worry. I wasn't ready till she was ready. She asked me how she would know she was ready.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "But I promise, if we ever get there, I'll be gentle."

So for six months, passions grew. Urges were harder to conceal. We lost our shy edge. It turned out 'there' came on her seventeenth birthday.

We didn't throw a party for her, though we all wanted to, because she was vehemently against the whole idea. So we settled for giving her presents over dinner. One by one, she opened the gifts the other Titans gave her till it got to me. Rae gave me that expectant look of hers. I had a piece of lettuce hanging from my lips and I looked around from titan to titan.

"Wha?" I asked faking ignorance.

"Um…where's Raven's present?" Robin asked.

I gulped and pretended to be nervous. "W-well, you see…um…Rae…uh…"

She kept her composure but I could see hurt etching its way into her eyes. And I hated it. Suddenly I was wondering if that was such a good idea.

"Here," I reached into my pocket and handed her a card. Raven took it delicately in her hands and glanced up at me before pulling it open.

"Making your birthday special. Your boyfriend, Beastboy. 10."

"One, nineteen, thirty-four, forty, forty-five, forty-six," I said and smiled at her. I prayed to god she had caught the hint.

"Yo, B, this is your girlfriend and you got her a card?" Cyborg asked incredulously.

I smiled and winked at Rae. "One, nineteen, thirty-four, forty, forty-five, forty-six." Then I stood up and glanced at the clock. Eight-thirty. Plenty of time. Then I left.

At exactly ten o'clock, a tentative knock came at my door. I smile knowing she'd understood. See in the card the numbers 1, 19, 34, 40, 45, 46 were coordinated to a letter. So it said, Meet 10. Clever, huh? I'm a dork, so sue me.

"Got my note?" I asked in, I hoped, a sexy voice.

Rae rolled her eyes and looked up at me. "Wasn't that hard to figure-."

Apparently, she didn't care that I would never hear the next words. We were too caught up in our moment. Her hands wove into my hair, kissing me a little harder then normal. Suddenly, she pulled back.

"Please tell me this isn't your present." Oh yeah, like I would give her a make out session. Real original. Does she have no faith in me?

I smirked and said, "And what if it is?"

Rae rolled her eyes a second time. "Beast-." I suddenly puller her into my room.

"Sit," I ordered pointing to my bottom bunk. I don't know why but I never had the heart to get rid of that old bed. Even though I was sixteen going on seventeen. I rifled around in my desk for a minute before pulling out a black box.

For a moment, I stared down at it praying she'd like it. Raven was a tricky girl to shop for. I mean, do I get her a book or candles? Maybe one of those coffee mugs with the picture on it. Plus, I'm a guy. And men are clueless. Finally, I turned and flashed her a nervous smile.

Raven gently took the box from me. Her face was completely neutral. "I thought you forgot." Her voice was light and gentle.

I chuckled. "All part of the plan, baby."

Rae looked up at me. "What did I say about that?"

The corner of my lips twitched in affection. "Sorry, Rae." She was the only girl I ever knew who hated names like that. Baby, honey, sweetheart, babe, hun, sweetie. My girlfriend looked back down at her gift. Gingerly, she lifted the lid and, for the first time ever, her jaw dropped.

"Do you like it?" I asked her anxiously. Never before in my life had my heart pounded like that. Looking back, I'm trying to figure our why I was so scared. I think maybe it was running on the fear of displeasing her.

But it was an awesome gift! I got her this amulet thing with an amethyst stone in the center. Around the outside of the stone were etchings of roses and ravens intertwined. A delicate chain connected to the beak of a raven. I thought I did pretty good. Rae thought so too, apparently. She looked up at me in amazement. She was so adorable. My heart swelled at the sight. In that moment, all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and never let go.

"Beast-boy," she gasped. Her violet eyes fixed to mine and she launched herself at me. My turn. My eyes widened as I put my hands on her waist. She kissed me really hard. I tried to keep up with her but I got the strangest feeling she was running the show.

It was a shock beyond all shocks when she tore my shirt up over my head. I pulled back and stared at her. She was practically panting and her cheeks were tinted with the lightest blush.

"Rae, are you okay?" My brow furrowed and I placed my hands on her shoulders. For a fraction of a second, she paused and seemed to get caught up in her thoughts before pulling my hands down from her shoulders to her waist. She locked her eyes with mine and purred, "Garfield." And I knew what she wanted.

I gasped when she stood on her toes to reach my ear. Her breath was warm and gentle against my skin. I pulled her close so our bodies were touching at all parts. Her lips were softer then rose petals when they brushed my ear. "Please Beastboy." Safe to say, she didn't need to ask twice.

As promised, I was gentle. Not that it helped much. It nearly killed me to see the tears when I broke her barrier. Eventually she said she was fine, but she was whimpering and squeezing her eyes shut the whole time. And no, I don't think it had anything to do with pleasure.

The next time was better. The time after that was great. Sex really seemed to work for us. That made Rae worry.

She was scared our relationship was based only on lust. So I tried to come up with the perfect way to convince her otherwise. Romantic dinner? No. Too clichéd. Aha! Jewelry! No. Again, already been done.

I thought of everything. And I mean _everything_. But nothing fit. Nothing was perfect enough. Personal enough. Cyborg and Robin were no help. They both suggested flowers, candy of some other already-been-used move.

I wanted, no, needed this to be special. Totally new. And it finally came to me. A lightning strike. An epiphany!

We were all watching Wicked Scary II. Cyborg sat in the middle. Starfire was cowering behind Robin. I was sitting on the end with Rae sitting very close.

My arm was comfortably stretched out along the back of the couch. Raven was discreetly starting to hide in my chest. The main character was sneaking down a hall and everything was completely silent. Suddenly the monster barged out of no where causing Raven to squeal and turn completely into my chest. I'd been expecting it. The monster, not Raven freaking out. She never did that. I'd seen the movie, like, ten times.

I wrapped an arm around her as she trembled. Yeah, she actually shook. It's strange when you think about it. There are scarier things in her mind.

But I held her nonetheless. She nuzzled my chest and calmed down but didn't look back at the screed. Neither did I. I just stared down at the top of her head. It was cute, really. The way she reacted to the movie. I felt a soft smile touch my lips.

I leaned down and pressed my lips to her head. She cuddled up even more against me. And with a bloodcurdling scream in the background, I whispered so only she could hear, "I'm in love with you, Rae."

Raven pulled her head from my chest and looked up at me. She smiled and moved to lay her head on my shoulder. "I know," she breathed and kissed my neck lightly. "I may be in love with you, as well." That made me the happiest man in the world.

It actually turns out she loved me since, well, that day at church. She told me the way the sun hit me coming from the stain glass window, made her realize who I was. Or something along those lines. I pointed out that she wasn't even looking at me and she said she'd been watching me out of the corner of her eye.

"Awe, Rae, you were watching me?" I said to her playfully.

"Don't push it," she'd replied.

We came to and passed out first then second year anniversary. Things were great. I mean, no relationship is perfect. But, man, were we happy. And yeah, we fought but it was over simple, superficial stuff. Except that night.

The team was out at the fair. It was a once a year thing. We were always obligated to make an appearance. Well, there's this restaurant, tent, thing. We got a table and sat down. The girls said they'd be back in a minute. Star wanted to get a picture taken with the ponies or some farm animal. I don't even remember anymore.

So the waitress came up and took our orders. When she left, Robin was the first to say something.

"Isn't she something," he said pointing his thumb in the direction the waitress had just gone.

"Hell yeah," Cy agreed. They both turned to me to hear my input. Honestly, I hadn't been paying attention to what she looked like.

"Uh…sure," I said dumbly.

Robin laughed. "Come on, B. Rae's not around. She's not going to kill you."

You know how teens go through peer pressure? Well, it turns out, that continues into adulthood. I gulped. "Y-yeah, well, she was hot." Classic.

"Oh, well, isn't that lovely," a cold voice snapped from behind me. I turned quickly to see Rae glaring down at me. You need to understand something, never; _never_ would I intentionally hurt her.

"Raven, no, I didn't…look, I wasn't," I started.

"Wasn't what? Beastboy. You weren't looking at her?" she asked and quirked an eyebrow. "You weren't thinking about how attractive she was?"

"Raven, that's not fair. I really wasn't." My heart pounded in my chest.

"So, it's not fair that I caught you talking about how 'hot' another girl was because I was supposed to be gone for another five minutes? Well guess what, Star forgot the camera. I came back to get it."

And suddenly I was angry. "You're not listening to me!"

"You're not saying anything!" she yelled back.

"I wasn't looking at her! But, god! Will you pay attention to that? No! You only believe what you think happened! You don't have the whole fucking story!"

"Then please, Beastboy, do tell," she snapped sarcastically.

I growled, "You wouldn't listen even if I spelled it out in plain English. The bitch only hears what she wants to hear." As soon as those words left my mouth, I wanted to take them back. I never once thought anything like that about her. I love her!

An angry crack filled the tent. When I turned to look back at her, she was already gone. My face started to heat up. I wasn't exactly sure why. Whether it was her slapping me or an override of emotion.

Whatever the reason, I found myself walking by myself up to a bar later that night. It was empty. Except for the bartender sitting behind the bar reading a book with glasses perched on the end of his nose. Gray hair covered his balding head and he had a few laugh lines around his mouth.

I walked right up, excusing the fact that I was still underage. The man looked up and snapped the book shut.

"What would you like?"

Forgiveness, I thought bitterly. "The strongest thing there is."

I heard the man sigh and he sat down across from me. I looked up at him. He was looking at me. I awkwardly glanced to the side then back up at him trying to figure out what was going on.

"You're a Titan, aren't you?" the man asked. "You guys helped me out a while back when that Control Freak came in here."

"Um…" I muttered. "Yeah."

"So, what's her name?"

I was totally taken aback by this. "What? Who?"

The man rolled his eyes. "The woman you're in here beatin' yourself up over."

"I'm not--," I started but he gave me this weird knowing look. "Raven."

He smiled and chuckled lightly. "I knew it. You guys were fighting over how exactly to get my t.v.'s to stop trying to dismember one of my customers and I just knew. Quite a pair; you two. I knew you guys were in love."

My eyes flew wide open for about two seconds then I relaxed and shrugged. "Yeah, well, not anymore."

"What did you do?"

"Me?!" I asked incredulously. "She's the one who didn't even listen to my side of the story!"

The man shook his head. "Take it from an old expert on love and the many pains of said emotion; women always listen. You just need to say the right words." Then he stuck out his hand. "The name's Jerry."

I considered him for a moment then clasped his hand in mine. "Beastboy."

"You know I can't serve you anything to drink?"

I sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I figured."

"But how about a slice of pie. My daughter just dropped one off and an old man like me can't eat the whole thing by myself."

I was really starting to like that guy. So, I smiled and said, "Sure. That'd be great."

Two hours and four slices of blueberry pie later, I was standing up from the barstool. "Well, I had a great time, Jerry."

"As did I. Please stop in sometime. Bring that girlfriend of yours."

"Yeah, if she finds it in herself to forgive me. Which she won't. Rae can be quite the grudge holder."

Jerry just shook his head. "So young. So stupid."

I playfully rolled my eyes and headed out, waving as I went. Jerry was cool. He told me about his kids. He's got two sons and a daughter. All over the twenty-five year mark. His oldest just got married and his daughter finally finished school.

He told me about his childhood. The man grew up and lived most of his life in New Orleans. His wife died in Katrina. I asked him if he ever regretted not getting out when they first warned him and he said no. Lucy, his wife, was diagnosed with cancer not two months before the flood. It was terminal. Chemo would keep her alive for a couple extra months, but the end result was the same.

She wanted to die on her own terms. Not in some hospital bed somewhere. Their house actually collapsed right on top of them. Or half of it anyway. He told me, he pulled her out of the rubble and she was still breathing. Her last words were, "I'll see you soon and save you a pair of wings."

When I asked him how he could possibly deal with that he told me, "I knew she loved me. And I loved her. But I'll see her again someday. Until then, I'm just happy being there for my kids. God knows they don't need to loose both of their parents."

I simply nodded and left. Right then and there, I vowed to never loose Rae. No matter what it took. Through the fading summer evening, I made my way home. You might ask why I didn't just fly. That's actually because I totally forgot I could till about a mile from home. Okay, I'm not the sharpest tooth 'tween the lips. So, sue me.

It damn near broke my heart when I stepped in Rae's room to see her sniffling on her bed. Obviously, I'd missed the worst of it.

"Raven," I called.

Her head slowly turned to me. She didn't answer but sniffed a little.

"I'm sorry. I know it really doesn't help." I hung my head and stared down at my feet. "I really don't know why I even said that stuff. I've never once thought you were a bitch. Or that you don't listen to me." Then I paused. "Okay, well maybe the second one. Sometimes. Occasionally. I'm…sorry. And I wasn't looking at that girl either. Honestly, I don't even remember what she looked like. Rob and Cy were commenting and making me feel like dipshit. Sorry." I fell silent and waited for her to make the next move.

"Beastboy," she sighed and I heard her stand up. "I'm sorry too. I guess I was just scared that I wasn't…I don't know…everything you want."

At that, I looked up at her like she was crazy. And I mean to think that, the girl had to be insane! Couldn't she see that she was the most beautiful, intelligent, fiery, passionate, strange, wonderful woman on the face of the earth?

I gave one chuckle and smiled. "Rae, you need serious help if you think there's even one other girl out there for me."

She smiled as well. It was small smile. Tiny even. But it was there.

And we all lived happily ever after…

Bull shit!

It was exactly three weeks later, everything exploded.

Okay, so I was playing video games with Robin in the common room. It was intense. Intense as a fence. We were dukin' it out like nothing else when Raven suddenly steps in front of me. I grimaced and tried to look around her.

"Rae," I groaned. "Could you move?"

She opened her mouth. Then paused. And closed it before walking off. I shook my head at her weirdness and went back to the game.

I won the next two rounds. Rob and I were in a sudden death match when Raven decided to do it again!

"Rae! I can't see!" I said leaning almost completely down on the couch to look around her.

"Beastboy," she started calmly with her hood up.

"Can this wait?" I asked desperately as Robin gained some ground on me. "I'm busy." Left, right, left, left, jump, swerve, cow.

And then she said, "I'm pregnant."

Boom! Crash! Screech! "What?" My jaw dropped to the floor and I stared up at her. Next thing I knew, I was lying on the couch with people staring down at me.

"Hey, B," Cyborg's hazy voice called. "Can you hear me, buddy?"

"Yeah," I groaned and covered my eyes. "Dude, I just had the craziest dream."

There was a pause and I opened my eyes to see why he wasn't responding. Everyone was staring at me. I almost asked what, when I caught sight of Raven sitting beside me.

"Rae," I said tentatively. "That wasn't a dream was it?"

She looked away and shook her head. "Are you mad?"

I gulped and looked up at everyone else. "Can we have moment? Please?" then I looked back at her. "No, I'm not mad. Just surprised."

Raven slowly nodded before glancing back up at me. Her eyes suddenly filled with tears. Her bottom lip quivered and her eyes got all scrunched up. "Beastboy," Rae whimpered.

Quickly, I took her in my arms and let her cry into my shoulder. I took a deep, shuddering breath. Soon, my vision was blurry with tears as well. We stayed like that for god knows how long. Eventually she calmed down till there was only the occasional hiccup.

"Hey Raven?" I started softly. "With the baby and everything, do you think we should get married?" I was strangely calm for such a situation.

She paused before pulling back. "I knew you'd say that. Because I'm pregnant, you feel like you should marry me," Rae said almost sadly.

"No, well, sort of." I turned slightly and placed my hands on her shoulders. "Raven, I love you. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. And I'm asking as your boyfriend, not the father of your child, as your boyfriend, will you marry me?"

"It's only because I'm pregnant," she insisted.

There was a second before I answered. 'Do it,' my head screamed. "Wait right here." Quickly, I stood and took off down the hall. A minute later, I plopped back down in front of her.

"Beastboy, look," Raven tried to say but I cut her off.

"Will you marry me?"

"Bea-"

"Do you need a ring?" I asked desperately and took her hand.

"It's not that-"

"Cause I have a ring." Suddenly, I dropped her hand and got down on one knee. I hastily produced a small velvet box from my suit. Yes, the suit has pockets. "Raven Roth, will you marry me?" I asked a final time.

Her jaw dropped. "Beastboy? How-how long have you…?"

"A couple months," I said, my voice strong and sincere. "Will you?"

Raven looked absolutely shocked. She searched my eyes for some sort of answer. I hoped I was giving it to her. "I-I guess," she stuttered softly.

"It's yes or no, Rae."

"Yes," said Raven more confidently.

And so, we were to be married. Raven decided we should have the ceremony after the baby was born. She may be a half demon superhero, but she was still a woman. Had that whole fitting-perfectly-into-my-wedding-dress thing going.

We split the work. I'd focus solely on the baby. She would help with the baby. And her and Star would plan the wedding.

Since the city still needed saving, we were going to stay in the tower. That meant we needed a nursery. And an extra bathroom. With a little arranging, I was soon moved into Rae's room. The world will explode before she leaves that room.

My room was going to become the nursery because it was just down the hall from hers. That left the room that shared a wall with Rae's to become our new bathroom.

Terra's room hadn't been changed since she left. No one had the heart to do it. But, I mean, we needed it more then she did. So, after getting approval from Robin, I set to work on transforming my first crush's room.

Cy and I moved all of my and Rae's furniture back so nothing would happen to them. Terra's room was big enough we could expand our living space and still fit a huge master bath in.

"You ready, buddy?" Cy asked before we started.

I pulled on the facemask and goggles before lifting the sledgehammer. "As ready as I'll ever be."

And hour and a half later, the wall that previously stood was reduced to a pile of plaster and wood. There was a clear view into Terra's room.

"Dude," I started and looked up at Cyborg. "That was so much fun!"

The man chuckled and shook his head. "Are you sure you're ready for this kid? You still seem to be a kid yourself."

"Eh," I gestured nonchalantly. "I'll just be the cool parent."

"Excuse me," a voice said from behind us. There, in the doorway, stood Raven. "I don't think you'll be the only cool parent. If anything, you'll be the immature parent."

"Just keep tellin' yourself that, Rae," I responded playfully with a smile.

"What have you done to my wall?" she asked and stepped closer.

"Hey, you knew we were gonna do this."

"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd use a sledgehammer."

"It was B's idea," Cyborg said quickly and stepped a yard away from me.

Rae sighed and looked at me. "I'm not sleeping in here tonight, am I?"

I chuckled nervously. "I would say not."

"Fine, but I get the couch."

"Can't I have the couch, too?" I pouted cutely.

"No. You'll end up shoving me off in the middle of the night. You don't stay very still when you sleep."

I was vaguely aware of Cyborg leaving the room. "I could be a cat," I offered.

"I hate cats."

"A dog?"

"They smell."

"A mouse?"

"Rodent."

"A bunny?"

"Ew, you know how I feel about rabbits after that Mumbo incident."

I growled playfully and but on a mock defeated look. "Floor it is."

The next day, after I'd cleaned up all the plaster, Robin helped with painting over the desert landscape.

"Dude, did you have to choose, like, the only colors that take a million coats of white to cover?" I asked Robin halfway through the third coat of white paint.

"It was your idea," he retorted indignantly.

"Yeah, but when have you ever listened to me?"

I heard him sigh and I glanced over to see him shaking his head. "Never again." We were silent till the job was done. My mind was whirling like nothing else.

Thoughts of the baby occupied most of my head. But the wedding caught a ride on a few trains of thought.

If you'd told me the night the Titans met that I would one day be engaged to the dark girl in the cloak while she was pregnant with my kid, I would have said, "Jesus Christ, man, lay off the acid and we'll get you some help."

"Well, BB, I have to say, you really did good on this room," Robin said nodding in approval as he looked around the, now, off-white room.

"Yeah, I did." I whipped my forehead with a painters' cloth. "So what are you gonna do with Terra's stuff?"

"It'll go into storage until we find someone who needs it." The Boy Wonder started toward the door. "Get some sleep. You've still got a lot of work to do."

Understatement of the century. It took nearly two months until I had the new wall up and another four until the bathroom was completed. Oh god, if I never renovate another room in my life, I'll die happy.

Over that time, Raven and Starfire planned the wedding. We were gonna invite, almost, everyone we had ever met. The Titans East were coming. The Doom Patrol, even. Don't ask me how Rae tracked them down. But she did it.

She found the perfect church, too. She wanted to have it in her church. Our church. I'll tell ya, the preacher was more then happy to perform the ceremony for us. He said it would be an honor to honor the heroes of Jump City.

By the time invitations were sent and the cake was picked out, Rae had swelled to very, very, very pregnant state. But if you mentioned it to her she'd blow up. Literally. Well, as literally as that can be.

Eight and a half months in. Everything was running smoothly.

Until the check-up.

After the doctor took the sonogram, he sat us down in his office.

"Miss Roth," he started and sighed, looking for the right words. "It seems…there's been a complication."

Rae's hand tightened in mine. "What? What's wrong? Is the baby okay?"

My whole chest clenched and my throat swelled.

"Well," he sighed again and took off his glasses. "There's a chance…a very high chance…that…during labor, the baby will get caught. It's a very rare condition where your cervix will suddenly close. We should have caught it before. In seventy-fve percent of these cases the mother or child will die. The process of removing the baby literally drains the mother of all strength and, after the birth; you'll go into cardiac arrest."

I heard Rae's breath catch in her throat. I squeezed her hand and bit my lip to keep it from quivering.

"What are the options?" she asked steadily.

"We can try to do a C-section, but with this condition comes an even higher risk that you will never recover."

"No C-section," Raven said.

"We could also…" the doctor paused. "We could also terminate the pregnan-"

"No!" We both said sharply.

"Or, you could take the risk and let things run their course."

I glanced at Rae to see her reaction. She was nodding lightly. "Yes. We'll just see how it goes."

On the ride home, we said nothing. I wanted so badly to do something. Anything. The thought of loosing the baby or Rae was overwhelming.

"Rae," I said softly when we got home. "What do you think will happen?"

Without missing a beat she replied, "I'll be fine. The baby will be fine."

"Are you sure?" I asked anxiously.

She turned to me and offered a small reassuring smile. "Yes, Beastboy, I'm sure."

I nodded and tried to make myself believe her. But it plagued my mind.

Five days. That's how long after the doctor visit it was. I sat in the living room watching the news with Robin when she briskly walked up and calmly informed me that her water had broken.

Both of us paused for a second, in too much shock to do anything. Then all hell broke loose.

"I'll get the bag," I said and jumped to my feet.

I was already halfway to the door when Rae said, "I have it."

So, I stopped and started toward the door again. "I'll tell the others."

"Did it."

I paused again. Okay, what now? "Um…so…what am I supposed to do?"

Rae did the cute eye-rolly thing and said, "Get me to the freaking hospital."

"Oh, right." I smiled.

"Now!"

And we were off. I turned into a pterodactyl and took off. Cyborg followed in the T-car with Robin and Starfire.

"Hey, hey," I said franticly to the nurse at the front desk. "My wife's going into labor."

"Congratulations, please sign these and I'll have a doctor down soon." She handed me a clipboard with, like, a billion forms on them.

I gapped at them for a second till taking them and going back over to the waiting room with the others.

"Name…Raven…hey Rae, what's your middle name?"

"Arella," she muttered and fiddled with the strap of her bag.

"Kay. Raven Arella Roth-"

"No," she suddenly said.

"But…I thought you said your name was Arella?" I said, confused.

"It is. But I want you to put my name as Raven Arella Logan."

Woah! What? Oh wow. "Rae? Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm gonna be Mrs. Logan in a few weeks anyway."

I paused, still shocked, before slowly writing my own last name on the line.

"Miss Logan?" a young woman called fifteen minutes later.

"Yeah," she said nervously standing up. I took her hand and helped her into the wheelchair. They found us a room and hooked her up to all these machines. Every once in a while she'd have a contraction and grip my hand like it was made of steel. Other than a couple blurry flashes, I don't remember much about the time before it happened.

Nurses were running around everywhere. The doctor barked orders at everyone. Raven was whimpering in pain and holding my hand like it was the only thing keeping her alive. And maybe it was.

"Come on, Raven. You can do this," the doctor urged. "Push!"

"Ahh!" Rae screamed. "I can't."

"Yes, you can." His voice was firm and unwavering. "Don't you give up."

"It hurts…" she moaned and tossed her head to the side. Sweat dripped down her brow and her whole body was paler then any living human should have been. But I've never seen anything as beautiful.

"I know. But you have to push…3…2…1…push!"

"Ahh!" she screamed even louder then before. She gripped my hand and the bedrail. Every muscle in her body was tense. I couldn't get the thought that I'd done this to her out of my head.

"No! No!" the doctor yelled. "Damn it!"

"What?" I demanded, fearing the worst.

He breathed out an angry sigh. "She closed up. Come on, Raven. You can get this baby out."

"But she could die!" I growled.

"If she doesn't, the baby will die," he barked back.

"Beastboy," she called. I immediately forgot about the doctor and turned to her. "Don't-don't worry. I'll be fine. But I need to have this baby. I need her to be alive." I didn't even pick up until later that Raven had known. Without actually being told, Raven knew about her daughter.

"Kay," I breathed trying to hold back my tears. "You've never broken a promise before. Don't you dare start now."

"Push, now!"

I started at her the entire time. Her face grew tomato red and she screamed. It was a blood curdling, spine tingling, body chilling scream.

"Yes," the doctor urged. "Yes…almost…there!"

Suddenly, a high pitched scream filled the small hospital room. I turned slowly to see the doctor smiling like nothing else. He turned to me and said, "You want to cut the cord?"

My jaw fell open and my brow furrowed. My mind was trying to wrap around the fact that he was holding my baby. My baby. My and Rae's little creation. Next thing I knew, I was handed a pair of scissors and shown exactly where to cut. With a snip, she was free.

And the world sped up again. Rae's heart monitor picked up speed and nurses were surrounding her. They took the baby off and focused solely on Rae. I saw them and I heard them but nothing made sense to me. They yelled and ordered. But I didn't know what was wrong. My brain stopped working.

"Beastboy." A voice suddenly cut through all of my confusion and I immediately fought my way to Rae's side.

"Raven." I gulped and took her hand in mine again. "I'm here."

"I…I love you," she gasped. "Please tell me…you love me too."

"I love you, too, Raven," I said hastily. "I swear." My throat clenched and tears burned my eyes. I whipped them quickly so they wouldn't disrupt my vision of the love of my life.

She took a shuddering breath as her heart picked up even more speed. "I'm…s-sorry." Just like that her muscles relaxed and she fell from me. But her eyes didn't close.

"No, no, Raven. Raven!" I yelled trying to call her back. "Raven! No!" my breath picked up erratically. "Rae! Oh god, please no!"

They grabbed me under my arms and lifted me from her side. Her eyes still burned hole in mine as they dragged me away. Violet filled my brain. That's all I saw. All I felt. Her eyes. Beautiful. Calming.

Three days later, we held her funeral in the same church we were going to get married in. I was like stone the whole time.

The preacher came up to me and started talking about god choosing her or something. I don't know. Honestly, I wasn't listening. I only thought about Raven. How I would never kiss her again. Never hold her. Never grow old with her. Never see her again.

Oh god. Hold on. Give me a moment. I-I just need a second. Heh, look at me. It's been five years and I still cry like a baby.

Speaking of, I saw my daughter for the first time four days after she was born. I held the bundle in my arms and stared down at her. She stared back up at me. She had her mother's eyes. Her skin was pale with a slightly greenish tint to it. The fuzz on her head was violet and green. A mixture.

"What are you gonna name her?" Cyborg asked me gently.

Without looking up from my daughter, I smiled a very sad smile. But a smile nonetheless. "Raven. Raven Arella Logan."

And Raven Arella Logan she is. She's defiantly her mother's daughter. She's smart. Oh god, much smarter then I ever was. She beautiful. Looks exactly like Rae. As for powers…she hasn't shown them yet. But who knows. I love her so much. And I will never blame her for Raven's death. It wasn't her fault. I think Raven always kne-

Crash! I jerk my head up to see one of Robin's martial arts statues lying on the kitchen floor with an innocent looking Raven standing next to the mess.

"Raven!" I say in shock. "I thought I told you not to play with Uncle Rob's stuff?"

Rae wears a simple pair of jeans and a blue t-shirt. The pendant I got for her mother on her seventeenth birthday hangs from her neck. She ties her hands behind her back and shifts those beautiful eyes of hers up at me. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I was just tryin' to have some fun."

I sigh and feel the anger melt away. "It's okay, Rae. Just don't do it again."

She smiles brightly. "I promise, Daddy." She scampers off until dinner where she'll sit directly across from me at the table with Cyborg on her left, eating sweet potato fries like the toddler she is.

**-Fin-**

**Please tell me what you think. I'm not feeling too comfidnent about it. **

**The inspiration for this story came from 'Daisy' By Halfway to Hazard. **


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